When You Edit Your Selfies

Everyone can see you used an app to make your eyelashes longer and your lips shinier. And then you had the gall to label it #nofilter.

When You Spend all Your Time at a Museum Instagramming Photos of Paintings

Or when you spend all your time on vacation Instagramming photos of how fabulous your vacation is. Guess what? We know it can’t be that awesome. Or you wouldn’t have time to post 8,703 pictures to Instagram every six seconds.

When You Forget How to Speak English in Text Messages

Texting like a 13-year-old girl is okay. Suppose you’re texting your significant other. But if you’re texting someone who’s not close, please use proper grammar and spelling.

When You Secretly Check Your Phone in a Movie Theater

You’re not fooling anyone by hiding your phone under your jacket. I’m pretty sure your Twitter feed can wait for two hours while you lose yourself in the world of cinema.

When You Send Unsolicited Sexts

Hey, I won’t judge you if you want to send sexy pics to your lover. But unsolicited sexy pics should never, ever, ever, ever happen.

When You Use It in the Bathroom

It’s one thing to play Candy Crush on the toilet. It’s another thing to take a phone call while you’re on the john. And then flush. Yes, we hear you. And yes, we judge you.

When You Air Your Dirty Laundry in Public

You might not be using the speakerphone. But you sound just as idiotic when you have a one-sided conversation with your girlfriend that should. Probably be kept private.

When You Accidentally Butt-Dial Your Boss

Butt-dials happen, but whoever’s on the other line judges you based on what they hear, especially if they employ you.

When You Use It to Watch Porn

A study by PornHub Mic.com says that 60 percent of millennials use their smartphones as their porn-viewing device. That’s cool, but the one time you forget. You were watching porn and you open your web browser on your smartphone. To show your coworkers a funny cat video? Judgment city.

When You Check It Nonstop

We all check our smartphones a little obsessively. But if you can’t go five minutes without aimlessly scrolling through your apps, you look like a crazy person.

When You Don’t Put It in a Case

You may not have paid the total price, but your smartphone is a $600+ device. I know it looks better naked, but it’s a $600 device. Are you insane?

When You Hold It Perilously Over a Cliff

I really hope phone pinching isn’t real, but if it is, let me reiterate. This is a $600 device, you moron.

When You Run into Walls

If you can use your phone while walking, good for you. If you can’t, yes, you are being judged. Every time you walk into a wall, fall into a fountain or almost get killed by a speeding car.

When You Don’t Delete Nude Photos of Yourself

Everybody, or almost everybody, takes a nude selfie occasionally; no judgment! A decision comes into play when you leave it on your phone. And someone accidentally sees it while swiping your vacation pics.

When You Post Dumb Photos to Social Media

You are not cool if you post photos of yourself committing crimes on Facebook. You’re an idiot. And I have no sympathy for whatever repercussions may befall you.